Monthly Archives: August 2011

Bitten

Touch me,
You electrify my synapses.

Heart pounding,
Anticipation curls between us.

Touch me,
Your fingers are my lifeline.

Breathing shallow,
Your teeth graze my neck.

Touch me,
I already belong to you.

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I am Curvy

It’s time for a rant.

I was reading an article about the word curvy. Apparently women with flat stomachs who happen to have a big difference between their waists and hips have a problem with women who do not have flat stomachs but still have a big difference between their waists and hips referring to themselves as curvy.

So let me get this straight, because I have a bit of a pooch on my lower abdomen I can’t refer to myself as curvy, even though I’ve got an 11 inch difference between my waist and my hips. Last I checked those kind of measurements mean curves. As a friend of mine pointed out: I’m not fat I’ve just got some extra padding. actually he was more…colorful about it but we’ll leave that out of here.

It’s recently come to my attention that apparently I’m at least somewhat attractive. I’ve struggled with my self esteem and body image for a very long time. I have bad days and I still have a mostly hate relationship with food but I’m learning that even if I’m not ‘perfect’ I’m still attractive.

Why do we, as women, tolerate other women putting us down for these ridiculous perceived flaws? Women come in all different shapes and sizes, some of us are bigger, some of us are smaller, some of us have no curves and some of us have more than enough. In the long run does it really matter if we all have perfectly flat tummies and perfect C sized boobs, and perfectly highlighted hair? What happened to variety and individuality?

Why are we so defined by our bodies? Aren’t we more than that? I know I’m more than that. I’m intelligent, a smart ass, creative, kind, compassionate, loyal and none of those things have to do with the 11 inch difference between my waist and hips. The fact that I can speak sarcasm fluently and am always there for my friends has absolutely nothing to do with my body. We are more than our bodies, more than our perceived flaws. Each one of us is beautiful in our own way. No, not every person is going to find you attractive, but you know what in the long run it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you are happy with yourself, your perception of yourself is the only one that matters.

I’m still learning to accept myself, to stop comparing myself to other women. I still have days where I hate my body with a burning passion and I want nothing more than to have all the things I hate about myself go away. I can be extremely sensitive about my size, even though I’m significantly smaller than I used to be. Silencing all of the negative voices in my head is a daily battle, especially when I have a hard time seeing the progress I have made. I look at pictures of myself from a year ago and I can’t believe I was ever that big, I realize how much smaller I am now and I also realize that in the end I am still the same person. My weight never defined me to anyone but myself.

I challenge women to stop this cycle of negativity, stop verbally assaulting ourselves and each other. We constantly complain about how men put us down and how men expect us to be these perfect beings but we put more pressure on ourselves and on each other than any man ever could. We need to learn to love ourselves and each other.

 

Ok so maybe that wasn’t as rant-y as I thought it would be…


Addicted

I can’t quit you.

“No” curls on the tip of my tongue,
I swallow it down
As your hand grazes my hip.

You break my heart with every word,
I want to be yours.
You own my soul.

I don’t want to quit you.