You don’t read this so I feel safe putting it up here.
You don’t remember it but I cried myself to sleep last Wednesday night. Cried harder than I’ve cried in a long time. I listened to you breathing next to me and my heart broke for what you’ve been through, for what I’ve been through and how it’s scarred both of us to the point that we don’t trust other people. When I moved your hair out of your face I looked at you for a while, realized how much I care about you and that’s when the tears came. I cried for at least an hour until you rolled over onto your side. I rolled over and let myself get close to you, I put my arm around you and for the first time in a long time felt whole. You smelled like whiskey and cigarettes, I breathed it in and cried until I fell asleep.
I went home the next day confused about how I feel and confused about how you feel. Sometimes the way you act with me makes me think maybe you care the way I do. You talk to me, like really talk to me. I think I know you well enough to assume you don’t do that with everyone. I know we’re friends, but isn’t friendship a good basis for something more?
You’ve no reason to trust me, but here I am asking you to try. I’d never hurt you. I know those words are meaningless, so look to my actions. The concern I show for you, the way I make an effort to show you I do care. I don’t have a reason to trust you either but you’ve shown me I can lean on you if I need to. I’ve looked at you without allowing my past to color my perceptions. You’re not like the people who have hurt me so I won’t judge you the way I judge them. Try to do the same thing for me. You say you’re an asshole and sure, sometimes you’re a jerk but who isn’t? When it comes down to it though you’re not an asshole. You hide behind that facade because it’s easier than getting attached to someone.
I want to ask you to give me a chance. Let me show you what you’ve been missing. Just a chance, what really do you have to lose?